Little by little

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It’s becoming clear to me how important music is. No scrub that. Music has always been important to me. What’s becoming clear is how music is helping me deal with breast cancer – and how lyrics keep popping into my head. This morning Noel Gallagher’s ‘Little by little‘ was my ear worm and it’s stayed with me all day.

Yesterday, a week post-op, I rested. Having gone out for a short walk in the morning, I came back, curled up on the sofa and watched 8 hours of TV back-to-back. Streamed media is fantastic isn’t it? And as one who is usually too busy to watch much on-the-box I amazed myself at my ability to consume. 3 episodes of The Good Fight, one of Catastrophe, an hour of a BBC From The Kids’ Perspective programme, a funny tribute show to Victoria Wood (one of my favourite comedians ever), all topped off by a re-run of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (that scene in the Chicago Museum of Art, sublime).

Being home alone it was a way of passing the afternoon and evening. Husband was away visiting his folks, and daughter was in revising, then out partying. By bedtime I was maudlin and lonely in equal parts. Luckily sleep came easily. I heard the door go at 1am, daughter and boyfriend back safe and sound, and then dipped into a deep sleep emerging at dawnbreak, the sun streaming through the curtains.

Yesterday I could do no more than the gentle walk to the local shops. Today I have more energy. I showered (for the first time in a week – don’t worry I’ve been having baths!) and  when husband arrived back from his trip we headed out for breakfast. That was 6 hours ago. Since then I have taken it slowly, but managed to treat myself to a pretty new bra (this scar is an ugly looking beast but it’s going to be adorned in beautiful clothes) and time with my other-half. We’ve had to make a sad visit this afternoon too but that’s for another post.

Little by little, Jackie. Little by little.

There’s a line in the song I love; ‘true perfection has to be imperfect’. Apparently it’s from a Buddhist saying. I’ve never been one to call anything or anyone perfect. Far from it. But I’ve always embraced imperfection, mine and others’. And that’s comforting. The ugly scar (I’ll not post here, it would put you off your hot-cross buns) is one of my imperfections now. I’m learning to live with it. I’ve even tasked my gorgeous friend Alison to name it (she’s onto it). More on that to come.

Tonight will be more streamed TV I reckon.

Happy Easter everyone. And special thanks to all those who have been at the end of social media for me in the last 24 hours.

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