Today – in under 2 hours – I will find out the results. They are back in from whichever lab processed them. I’ll know soon whether I need radiotherapy, a further op and/or chemotherapy. As I’ve said before the waiting is hard.
My strategy for dealing with this has been to plan stuff. Enacting that planning has been tough, as my energy levels are still very low. And the pain from the op, although it has subsided, is still pretty debilitating. Well, that’s a relative term but it’s stopped me being able to do very much. But not stopped my mind racing (I’m planning my next research bid, thinking about my book and the next couple of chapters, and starting to look forward (hopefully) to a repeat trip to Melbourne in July/August).
But this week we’ve had a couple of setbacks. The sad news I mentioned previously has come to pass. I can’t write about it here but it’s one of the saddest experiences we’ve had to face. And my daughter has finally shown her vulnerabilities, and her reaction to recent circumstances. She’s a strong and resilient young woman, going through her own tough times with exams approaching that will affect her future, whilst living in a house that is not our home (last June we were flooded out of our house and won’t be back until next month). I hate how this affects all those around me – especially her – but I’d still rather be dealing with it myself than anyone else I know having to go through it.
Yesterday husband and I went to Blackpool to see a group I like (he indulged me) – The Shires. The lyrics to the title song of their new album include …
You only get one li-li-life
And I wanna live it
I wanna give it to you
No more goodbye-bye-byes
When I say forever, I mean forever, I do
As long as the world keeps turning and turning
As long as gravity keeps my feet on this Earth
You’ll be my one, my all, my universe
The title for this posting is taken from this song. Just because it resonates today. It was an uplifting evening, thankfully. We shared fish and chips in Harry Ramsden’s with friends, (having gone to the original, in Guiseley, for treats as a kid this was a fitting place to go in Blackpool). We stayed in Lytham in a nice B&B, woke to the sound of seagulls and ate a hearty breakfast. The sad news arrived. So we walked along the beach in the cold April breeze and didn’t say much. There are times when words don’t capture how we feel. We drove back largely in silence. And now here we are – waiting to see the surgeon and find out what next.
It’s been a sad day so far. I do hope my next post is more hopeful. Deep breaths.